Stupid & Stubborn...

There is a saying that never repeat the same mistake again as we need to learn from it. But sometimes, there are things, which we tend to keep on repeating it even though we know that it is wrong. What is that? I think some may know some may not. Probably I will say it is a relationship.

No matter how clever you are, you will still fall for it. A Chinese proverbs saying, “Every great hero died or failed because of a girl”, especially pretty girls. Hahaha... It is true.

No matter what, everyone is blinded by it when it comes. Only those standing beside you are not blinded by it and it is clearly that they can see how much he/she has change because of that someone. Is it worth it or not? Only he/she can tells.

Yes, I think I am stuck in it. It has been quite some times since I have this kind of feelings but then I bet when it comes, hardly there is anyone who can stop it from happening. I hate this kind of annoying and irritating feeling. It just makes me feel miserable. Even though I know that is still far beyond reaching what I want and it may even not happen, it is just pure stupidity.

There was once my friends scolded me before, asking me whether is it worth trying and I told them, “Yeah.” Just as what they predicted, it will not happened and if it did, it will not take quite some times for me to wait. What I wanted was giving it a try but a try for nothing as I know it will not brings out anything. After that, I have gave up and just move forward and hope that one day I will find one.

Right after few months of pulling my legs away from the mud, which I intentionally step on it before, again I repeat the same mistake. It just happened, and I just stepped on it again without thinking the consequences and again searching for hope. Not knowing where it will direct me again, I just flow with it though knowing that it may end up the same way just like the previous one.

I have tried to forget about it, but uncontrollably I messaged her again waiting for a reply and when she did, I felt like hope is coming back, which again shows how stupid I am. I really do not know how to describe myself now. Being stubborn as usual and not giving up yet, what should I do? I know the possibility for it to be true is probably less than 10% or even worse not even 1%.

Seriously, I am lost now, sitting in front of my laptop, writing this shits even make things worse.


...Wise man says, Only fools rush in...

Feeling Lonely...

It is a good Saturday, with a cloudy day and ended up raining in the afternoon, which I have spent most of the time sleeping right after my work. Yesterday night, was fine, not what I expected though, but yeah, once in a while it does happened. Really sorry that it happened, and many thanks to those who came to support the night (you know who you are, peepz!!!).

I had a weird dream just now while taking my nap. I have not been having this kind of dream for quite some times, or should I say not this at all. It really brings back some good ol'memories, which I have before. In it, I saw someone I knew and have not met for quite some times, whom I have been together with. I know, is weird right, it never happened before, but it just happened so suddenly. I was so into the dream, which I hope I will never wake up. Ok, it was never a dirty one, so please get rid of those dirty-minded of your's please.

I have been in this state of my life for like soon-to-be 8 months, when I have never feel lonely before, but not at the moment, right after the dream, which it just makes me think my world is never complete yet.

I used to think that I am happy with what I have today, I am glad I have my own freedoms and spaces, which I have been dying of all the while, even though I am in a relationship before. But now, I just realize that, there is a missing part in me to make my puzzle complete.

For how long I have to go on, I will never knows, as I do not have a choice to choose or I have the power to control it. Every thing, has been decided by Him. I know that He is fair to every one. He just wants us to look around ourselves instead of just putting up the last piece of our puzzle just by, "Nah, take it." We must work for it, as there is no free lunch in this world. Every thing comes with a price.

I have been very stubborn most of the time, I have been acting as I am all good with it, but now, I think I am lost and kind of struggling to find it. Is it that when you get something, you have to let goes something else, you just have to choose, which one you want?

I just wish I have an answer for it. For now, I just hope that tomorrow will be a better day, as I do not really like this kind of emotions in me. It just makes me slack. When it goes around my head, it will be hell of a night for me.